Do you really see them?

I have a job I love working as an LPN at a nursing home.  Usually, I really enjoy my time with the residents.  But at times it can be so frustrating.  Take last night for example.  I had taken a couple of days off so it had been a week since I had worked.  During that time they had admitted several new residents.  I work mostly on the rehabilitation side of the building so new admits are a frequent thing.  This particular lady had been there for five day.  When I did my two o’clock round I heard her crying.  I went in to check on her and within five minutes of starting the conversation I found out that she felt like she “can’t take this anymore” and that she was in constant pain.  “It never stops and it keeps getting worse,” she says to me.  She was admitted with a fractured neck after a fall.  I can see why she would be in pain.  What I don’t understand is how other nurses didn’t see that.  Did they not see the lines etched in her face?  Did they not understand her tensed and drawn body language?  At any rate, I find myself on the phone with an irate doctor at 2:15 a.m. trying to get some medications ordered for her pain.  I finally accomplished that and was able to give her something for the pain.  Within one hour, she was smiling a genuine smile and thanking me with heartfelt gratitude.  However, it is times like this that I want to tell the other nurses to open their eyes and see the patient in front of them.  She is more than just a diagnosis or just what pills she gets.  Do they know that Ms. J’s, who lives down the hall, greatest fear is that she won’t recover enough to get back home?  Do they know Mr. P says he doesn’t want to go home but that is only because he feels he will burden his children?  Do they realize that Ms. S. lost her only child in a car accident two months before she came here and now her days stretch empty and bleak in front of her?  I understand that we as nurses have time limits that we are supposed to give our medications in.  However, I wish they could all see that probably the most important things we can ever do as nurses have nothing at all to do with pills and medications.  

Do you really see them?

A Journey To Find Myself

Almost twenty-one years ago, I became the luckiest person on the face of the planet.  I gave birth to a beautiful little girl.  Two and a half years later, she was followed by another beautiful angel girl.  For the past twenty-one years, my life has revolved around being the best mom I could be.  My days were full making sure they had everything they needed: food, clothing, a roof over their heads.  Most importantly, I wanted them to know they are loved and cherished and that I am always here for them.  Somewhere along the way, I put myself through LPN school and have worked as a nurse for the past seventeen years.  However, the center of my life has always been being their mom.

A year and a half ago, my oldest daughter left home to start college.  In January, my youngest daughter also left to begin college.  Watching them take these first steps out into this world, following their own paths, fill me with joy and pride.  However, now I find myself facing this question: "who am I apart from being their mom?"  Returning to school has always been in the back of my mind.  So now I am taking that first step in an effort to answer that question.  Also, it helps to have something to do, something to study, when the house seems so quiet I can hear the walls breathing.

My biggest fear is failing.  It has been so long since I have been in school and so much has changed.  I wonder if I still have the ability to memorize and learn all this new information after all this time.  My hope is that college will be an experience the girls and I can share and experience together.  My goal is the LPN to RN bridge program.  Hopefully at the end of this, I will have a better understanding, not only of the information being taught, but also of myself as a person.  Maybe I will be on step closer in answering the question, "who am I apart form being a mom?".

test

Just a test post.  More coming later.