It has been a tough month but I think I am back on track now.  Four years ago, I heard the words that changed my life forever: you have cancer.  I had ovarian cancer which is still a cancer that kills most of its victims.  I had two kids that need a mom though, so I had no choice but to survive.  I had surgery followed by intensive chemo and radiation together followed by two seperate courses of chemo and a final round of radiation.  I got very sick and one day after being sick for what felt like the millionith time, I was so weak I couldnt even stand anymore and sank to the floor.  That is when I decided I would not lay there and die.  This THING that had invaded my body would not take my life.  Now, I am cancer free but still find myself fighting this fight.  There are days I am still so tired that my entire body aches and I feel like I can sleep for weeks.  My blood counts keep falling and I have to have blood transfusions or antibiotics.  This past month this has gotten out of control.  I have been in the hospital for a couple of times for iv antibiotics and have been told to stay home for a couple of weeks to limit my exposure to pathogens.  However, I have started a new medication that I take every week that is supposed to help prevent this.  I think it might be working.  In the last week, I have not been nearly as tired.  People think once you get rid of the cancer and finsih treatment, it is over with.  I now find myself wondering if it will ever be over with.  I get so frustrated with myself sometimes because I feel like I should just be able to "cowgirl up" and get over it.  My body just wont cooperate sometimes.  Before cancer I was very active and on the go.  I just want to feel that healthy and vibrant again.  Hopefully I am on that track.